musical moments

I've been having a bit of a "blast from the past" when it comes to music lately.

I remember being 15, 16, 17... and music meant everything to me. I was a bit of a dork, a punk, when it came to music some five years ago. My CDs were the only thing that could understand me. Lyrics were letters written to me, melodies were meant to be belted out while driving in my car until my throat was raw. I believed in God, soul mates and most of all, music.

And these memories are coming back lately. Maybe it's my new lack of piano that's forcing them to the surface, or maybe it's the fact that three days a week I am next to that same instrument, only this time it's teaching little ones about the rhythms that my heart once pounded to and the notes that brought me to tears. But it's music, once again, that's coming out in waves, that's making me remember.

It all comes back when I listen to My Favorite Highway, of all bands. No other band, not even Matt Nathanson, can drudge up such emotions and memories and god - it was so long ago. They're so distant now, I don't even know what they're doing or how they sound. I mock them (not that we didn't before), but it's halfhearted, really.

But the memories aren't. I don't have to close my eyes to remember coming out of a J&R rehearsal and hearing them playing Harbor Bay, sitting there outside, listening to that song wrap itself around me. I remember being invited with Pez into that rehearsal, watching them and hearing what no one else ever would. I will never forget that one time, at the Sterling Community Center, the time Dave Cook sang it so quietly, "I have toyed with the idea of burning your stuff," the only time it ever had any meaning, and now I can't hear that song without looping over the only way I will ever know it.

But the days of MFH are long gone. And though I still love music, am involved in it almost more than ever, it's not the same. I tried playing my old songs today, and I could barely remember the words, let alone the chords. I don't believe much anymore in anything other than myself, the man I can hold and the fact that tomorrow will never stop.

The music keeps coming back though. My Favorite Highway's existence is -as much as I hate to admit it- only one very personal reminder of how music once touched me, once moved my very soul.

It's hard to even imagine going back to those days, let alone that kind of faith.

But one day, maybe I'll believe again.

welcome back

I just wrote an entire entry, then deleted it, cause it sucked.

I'm trying to find something creative, something fresh, something worth reading to write... but I've got nothing.

Hell, even this post is sort of a waste of space. But I need to get back into the habit of writing, no matter what.

So if that means this blog will be cluttered with these kinds of junk posts until I find the words, the creativity, the spark, then so be it.

good morning, starshine, the earth says hello

HELLO WORLD.

I am alive, believe it or not, though my long, unintentional hiatus from blogging would probably tell you otherwise. Much has been happening in la vida de Traci, and I will do my best to give more consistent updates, since I rarely see anyone that reads this blog (assuming people still read it). So here are the highlights of the past month... Consider this your very late "Christmas Newsletter" that everyone sends out, bragging about their family.

BRAINS: I have graduated from American University. I am DONE DONE DONE DONE DONE. The funny thing is, I don't even feel like it's really over - and in a way it's not. I'll be TAing another photo class this semester with a wicked awesome professor (last semester's prof didn't like me much) which gives me access to the studio which means more photography. YES. Also, I will begin my first class in over three years at Nova, beginning a slow start towards perhaps my Associates in Graphic Desgin.

HOME: I now live in a lovely townhouse nicknamed "El Barrio" for its delightful location in Sterling (for those of you outside of Virginia, Sterling is known for its high Hispanic population). My roommate is my best friend Matt, who I met during my original Nova days, and thus far we've managed not to kill each other - good, no? In all seriousness, we somehow are the perfect roommates, feeling comfortable enough to say anything and gaining inside jokes by the day. He appreciates my cooking (yes, I can make edible food!) and I'm glad he likes to clean.

LOVE: Still most definitely in it. JD and I will be celebrating one year in about a month - holy freaking crap...! We hit a rough patch from about Thanksgiving to Christmas, but we're back to our regularly scheduled relationship. And, cough, a certain word beginning with "M" has been put out on the table. No timeframe in any way, shape, or form... but HE brought it up. Not me. Go figure.

JOB: I am one of the unemployed masses. Actually, not really. My piano-teaching business is booming, which is super amazing. I really love teaching and I'm actually considering taking some music classes at Nova so I make sure I'm staying sharp for my kids. I still work at Paper Source, and it's fantastic - I'm less into scrapbooking now, but super into card making. I've gotten two of my friends hooked as well, so we get together every so often and sit and stamp together, it's baller.

PHOTO: I'm really pushing to get my photography business up and running - I've got two weddings in May and am setting up a fun shoot with a few brides for the next few months. I've landed a contract with a local theater company to photograph their season, which is fantastic to have a bit of extra money guaranteed! This past November I did a shoot with Pez with a pole dancing studio (yes, you heard me) and we'll be going back in a few weeks to do another shoot. Talk about unconventional, but it sure does help pay the bills.

MISC: I'm back to going to the gym and thanks to Matt screaming at me to go, I think I'll keep up with it, assuming I don't break my wrist like I did about this time last year. I miss my buddy, Mango, tremendously. I am totally in love with cooking. Matt's mom terrifies me. I'm watching Nip/Tuck, Gilmore Girls and DeGrassi, unashamed. I have a buttload of pics to upload to facebook. I miss everyone terribly, and I would love to hear from you in one way or another (phone, text, comment, facebook) to let me know you, as well, are alive.

2010... here we go!

friday five

Top 5 Albums

Though I'm from the "iPod generation," I still think the album as a whole (the narrative, the arc, the variation) is paramount in music. So, this is my homage to the albums that I can listen to without skipping a single song.

1. Beneath These Fireworks - Matt Nathanson
Of course, right? I hate being predictable, but there's no way this list could exist without this album. I still remember when Lex from Great Harvest burned me this album - it was love at first sound. I remember driving in Wheezy, blasting this CD, giving it to Jansy, letting it fill the places that were empty from all the heartbreaks with boys. I will always love this CD, and it kills me a little inside every time Matt Nathanson says that he feels this album was lacking in some way, because to me, it is perfection.

2. Leaving through the Window - Something Corporate
I first found Something Corporate through the song Konstantine. God, that song still gives me chills, especially in the acoustic version where Andrew, really quietly, says -instead of sings- "God, I miss you." When he sings things - even back before his bout with cancer - you can hear the sincerity and emotion in every word he sings. This album always makes me think of summer and my best friend and how playing piano became so cool when Andrew did it. I love the rawness of this album, it's got that energy that only a debut album can have, when the musicians are young and full of hope, before they get broken when the record label fucks them over.

3. Infinity on High - Fall Out Boy
This album always makes me think of New York and my crazy trip up there with the kids from Footloose. I think this was FOB's peak - FUCT was good, but IOH was really their shining moment. Pete wasn't crazy over Ashlee, Patrick's voice was rocking, they had money and support coming off of FUCT, so they really had all the materials and inspiration to make a wicked album. I'm a fan of Folie a'Deux as far as Patrick's voice, but Pete's songwriting took a turn for the worse in that album... kinda makes me hope he gets a divorce and finds something real to write about again.

4. Mad Season - Matchbox Twenty
Every time I feel like a sellout for liking Matchbox Twenty, I listen to this album and prove myself wrong. This album is the shit. The orchestration, the vocals, the overall energy? Fantastic. There's a maturity in this album that really shows the step up from Yourself or Someone Like You to Mad Season, especially lyrically. I just listened to this album last week, and messages I thought I got when I was 15 still hit me so heavy seven years later. I think this album also does a really good job of defining a concept for an album - for instance, a song from Mad Season would sound astronomically different that a song from their third album, More Than You Think You Are.

5. Say It Like You Mean It - The Starting Line
I was sick with pneumonia when I first saw this music video, Kenny with his waif-like face and bleached blonde hair (it's still a freaking hilarious video, in my opinion). Little did I know that this album would be one of my favorites, and this band would always have a special place in my heart, so many years later. I think this album does a fantastic job of not growing stale, which is so easy to do in that pop/punk sound. Each song stands out from the others, whether because of a riff, a lyric or a melody, and that makes this album so easy to put in and just let it play.

Friday Five

Top 5 Things that Make Me Nostalgic

Inspired by Adam's quote: "Nostalgia is powerful stuff."

1. The Starting Line. This band defined my teenage years. I was young, thought I was angsty, thought I was in love, thought no one understood me but musicians I had only met once (but who offered to "f****** kill" the dude who crowd surfed my head into a metal post.) They just released a live album and wow, do I miss them more than ever.

2. Justin. This is my old friend from Unos, who recently found me on Facebook after three years of not talking. I guess catching up with him really got me thinking about how much (and how little) changed in the past three years. And it makes me think about the days of Unos, and all that happened then. I look back at those times fondly now - I don't think that's necessarily a good thing.

3. 3x5 photographs. No one seems to print 3x5 photos any more (who died and made 4x6 king?!), but the majority of my childhood is captured in just those dimensions. I guess something about 3x5 photos screams film and time and memory lane to me. Plus, it has that pretty decent John Mayer song written about them.

4. NOVA. For some reason, every now and then, I get this intense desire to go back to the days of Acting Class, getting lunch in Cascades as a class, driving around and doing nothing. When it was good, it was really good - the crazy guys, the party girls. Now, I'm past all of that, but sometimes I miss it.

5. CDs. I wrote an entry a while back about purchasing CDs for the first time in a while, and it still holds true. Though I haven't bought a CD in several months, I still get the biggest high off of purchasing my own little musical, aesthetic experience. I always think of my friend Tricia for some reason, and if that's not nostalgia, I don't know what is.

friday five

Didn't think you'd ever see these again, didja!?

Top 5 Reasons 21 was the Greatest Year

1. Being able to go anywhere. The tension between 20 and 21 breeds perhaps one of the most annoying countdowns EVER. And duh, I love being able to drink. It's an exciting world out there, kids, and alcohol proves to be a tasty guide to it all.

2. Having a boyfriend. If the past, oh, dozen entries haven't tipped you off, I am (still) ridiculously crazy over my BF. It will be ten months in about a week, which is SO INSANE for me. Having someone there to be your friend, your love, your comforter is such an amazing feeling. And I refuse to take him for granted.

3. Working at Wolf Trap. Parts of it sucked, REALLY sucked. But would I do it again? Hell yes. I got to shoot for hours and hours. I learned to trust myself and my equipment. I got some amazing friends and wicked good letter of recommendation out it. Working at WT solidified me in my decision that I want to, and am capable of, being a photographer.

4. School. Now, I'm not saying I enjoyed the ridiculous amounts of work. But during 21, I felt more at home there than ever before. I had friends that were my age to laugh with and complain with. I had a desk at the SG, and I could run to the Photo Lab for any other needs. And while my classes were effing hard, I definitely learned some things that semester that I'm very glad to have under my belt.

5. Money. Thanks to working three jobs in the summer and two currently, I have enough money to move into my new place the first week of December. Holy crap, she's growing up.

albums to be released on my birthday

Switchfoot: Hello Hurricane
Michelle Branch: Everything Comes and Go
Dashboard Confessional: After the Ending
Britney Spears: The Singles Collection

Go forth and celebrate my 22nd year ending by purchasing an album by one of these fine artists.