nothing dims these stars

I wrote an entry similar to this one a long time ago.

I hate, now more than ever, when artists use the metaphor of a car crash for some great, big emotional or mental break through. All I can say, having been in two major ones and one minor one, is that these artists who write such songs, have clearly never been in one. If they had, they'd know it was traumatic, stressful and incredibly painful - not something you write about when seeking clarity and a general emotional jump start.

I should be grateful that I'm okay and the other driver is as well, and I am, somewhere inside of me. I'm glad no one was hurt, I'm glad I didn't break any more bones, I'm glad his car didn't go over that seven foot wall into the parking lot of Rite Aid. All of these things could have easily happened. But instead of gratitude, I'm really wanting to give God the finger and start cursing at him for yet another low blow this summer. Getting sick, dropping my summer classes and being forced to go back to AU for another fucking semester wasn't enough, no, let's have Traci have an accident and now be out of a car. Where am I supposed to get money for a car? How am I going to pay for more school? I'm so fucking angry at everything.

But life just keeps going, you know? You never get the time to stop and just take a day to stop shaking and curl up in bed and just gather what pieces you have left. Work, rehearsal, piano, work, rehearsal, piano... it never stops. And fuck my life, it's not getting any better any time soon.