in a world full of wrong, you're the thing that's right

The snow is taking its toll on my emotions.

This past weekend, JD planned a surprise trip to get away for the two of us as my Christmas present. Since we had to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas apart, I asked him to find us a place to just spend a weekend together without our jobs' interruptions taking us away from being together. We planned for the first weekend of February due to my work schedule in January, and he refused to tell me where he was taking me, giving me only the smallest of hints.

Of course, as you all know, the heavy snow started Friday night. I had also made reservations to take him to Ruth's Chris (a wicked good steakhouse), but they closed early due to the impending storm. While disappointing, that wasn't too hard to handle, I bought a ton of groceries because JD told me we had a kitchen.

So we hop in my car, and he drives me around - taking me through back roads, trying to confuse me - and we end up where I suspected, a small cottage on the Potomac River, in Algonkian Park. It was amazing. The cabin had an adorable little kitchen and a room with a jacuzzi and a fireplace and windows that faced the river so we could watch giant sheets of ice floating down, and we pretended we were in Alaska in the wilderness and nature. The first night we made pizza and spent the evening drinking and having an amazing time.

The next morning, we look outside, and the snow is everywhere. JD, being the responsible guy he is, goes out at about 10 to start shoveling after I made a breakfast of eggs and toast. It's while he's out there, around 11, that we lose power.

Thankfully, we did have the gas fire, which we kept going. After a while, bored (no electricity = no computer), I went out to help him shovel and clean off my car. Once that was completed, we journeyed back in to contemplate our lunch options. No microwave, no oven, no stove. Our only option was the fire... so we filled a small pot with water and JD sat by the fire, boiling our Pokemon maccaroni and cheese. Let me tell you, pasta never tasted so good.

About 2 in the afternoon, the park authorities came by and told us the electricity wasn't expected to come back for a while, definitely not that day, and that we should leave for our own safety. Very grudgingly, I did. I put most of the food into a box to take with us, packed up my clothes and computer, and the ranger took us back to JD's in his truck, since my car couldn't handle the unplowed roads. When we reached JD's house, we found that he, too, had lost power.

So that left us with my house, but first we had to shovel out JD's car. That was no small feat, since he parked on the side of the road and had snow all pushed up against his car. But it all worked out, and we eventually made it to el barrio where we had heat, light and hot water.

Today, as you all have witnessed, we got more snow. I've been home all day, and it's been particularly rough because today is JD's birthday. I stayed out last night getting his present, and then all this blizzard happened, and I can't venture out, and his neighborhood hasn't been plowed.

This feeling of dissatisfaction and overall frustration has been bubbling since the weekend. I finally voiced it to Matt, and it surprised me how relieved I felt after I just put it out there: I am really pissed off that my perfect weekend didn't happen, and I'm really pissed that I don't get to see my boyfriend on his birthday. I'm really pissed that he hasn't called, and I'm pissed that I'm overreacting and feeling like he doesn't care if he sees me or not (which I'm pretty sure isn't true).

So I want some more therapy, and I want to say it here. I am not angry at JD, none of this was his fault. But it's so unfair that my Christmas gift got cut short, that I barely even saw my boyfriend that weekend because we were so busy shoveling and driving and finding a place that had power. I'm so upset that I can't be with him now on his birthday. I'm frustrated that this is bringing up old insecurities about our relationship. I'm pissed that I'm near tears as I'm writing this, and I'm pissed that I really can't tell him any of this (at least about the weekend) because I know he'll feel guilty and apologize that it didn't work out, and then I'll feel guilty for making him feel guilty and... GOD I just want to be angry but I don't know where to direct these emotions. I just want someone to hear that I'm upset and just know.

I just needed someone to know.