oh, you think you got it

Life is too good right now.

I keep looking over my shoulder, wondering when it's going to throw me a curve ball or smack me down to the ground, but it's been a several weeks, and I'm still on my feet. It's a damn good feeling, I'm not going to lie, especially after that hell of a semester.

I wish I could freeze the next few months and just stay. I want to throw a potion or cast a spell over my world and slow the fuck down because I know, I know these months will fly by and come fall, I will be desperately clawing to retain these moments. I love my job. I love everything about it - feeling professional, the venue, getting paid to do what I love, my schedule, my fellow interns. There could not be a better way to spend the summer!

And I'm crazy for my boy. That ridiculous, swing your arms out and turn your face up to the sky, spinning and dizzy, wonderfulhappyamazement. I didn't know it could be like this! I honestly never could have even crafted this relationship in my head. It's above and beyond expectations - and yet, at the same time, so grounded and deep in my heart that I sometimes just want to cry and how happy and normal and right this feels. I'm daily surprised at how it's been almost four months - on one hand, who ever would've thought I'd stick with a guy this long... and on the other, wondering why it hasn't been six months, eight, a year. Every day is beautiful with him and it feels like we've already shared a million.

It's not that I'm not aware of the challenges this summer will bring. I'm not in denial about the terrors of the fall and finding and job and the (hopefully) impending move out of my parent's home. I think about these things daily. But just like that old Friday Five... I'm not going to feel entitled to this summer. I am grateful, so grateful, for everything, so I won't let worries about the future ruin the beautiful present.

I'm going to keep spinning, thank you very much.

I could stand here for hours just to ask God the question, "Is everyone here make believe?"

It's been a rough couple of weeks. I'd rather not talk about the painful moments - and there were several - when I was an emotional wreck, on academic suicide-watch and living in silence. I wanted to quit everything. But I didn't. Clearly, I'm still here.

So I'd like to give the State of the Union, highlighting the glimmers of hope to convince everyone that I am doing okay.

First, school is almost done. I am four weeks away from freedom! I do have two classes over the summer, but really? After this past semester, two three-credit classes spread over 12 weeks is going to be a breeze. Plus, I'm pretty sure I won the Professor Lottery and got two awesome professors.

Second, my boyfriend is the shit. He has been there every day for the past three weeks, whether by phone or in person, being a heart that cares for me, a source of comfort and a voice of reason. We've been working through a very rough time together (very early in the relationship, believe me, I know), but I am fiercely proud of the character we've both shown since that week. He really is unlike anyone I've ever been with, and I'm getting suspiciously comfortable with the idea of a future with him. Take that as you will.

Third, I got the photography internship at Wolf Trap. YES. Photographing bands and theater for the entire summer? Win. Getting paid to do so? EPIC win. And this just in - Matt (my best guy friend) is probably going to be working there this summer as well. Spending my summer doing something I love with someone I love? That's just too good to be true.

Fourth, I just bought a pair of aviator sunglasses. Yeah, I know this is no where near the other items on the scale of epicness, but, well, they make me really happy. And that's the spirit of this list, if not the letter.


I love you guys. Thanks for hanging in there with me.