if not now, then when?

Last night, as a friend drove me home, I had the opportunity to look up, out through his sunroof, as we drove the streets of Reston.

Have you ever stared up at the world as you fly by at so many miles per hour? (I know my best friend has, and she even has a song that makes her think of me and my sunroof.) This was my first time, despite both of my cars having a sunroof - I don't recommend manning a car and turning your eyes up at the same time.

But last night, I saw the world in the most beautiful way.

The closest I can come to describing it is watching the world being blown around you - no, more like you're being blown around by the world. You feel small and insignificant and yet the air and stars and streetlights are there and real - you haven't escaped gravity, even though your heart is up with the moon.

That's worth something, right?

Oddly enough, it reminded me of how I felt looking down from Katzen 202. Only it was about as opposite as you could get - in one, I was suspended, watching the cars rushing along, minding their white dashes, and in the other, I was the one racing between the lines. But I'd be hard pressed to find another time where I felt more alive.

We are so intent on looking straight ahead, eyes on the prize. That's certainly necessary and good... but I can't help but wonder what exactly we're missing when we just forget to look up.

i would just hope my last thought was a good one

i've never been the biggest fan of Scrubs, but tonight I realized what this show has mastered and few others get.

Their music kicks ass.

I'm watching the new episodes, and I don't know if it's just because I love this song, or that the script was pretty decent, or that I'm feeling hormonal, but hearing Ben Gibbard's soft vocals underscoring the death of a patient was unbearably perfect. The characters are sitting there laughing and joking and being all brave, but once that guitar riff started, my heart sunk, and you know? You knew, as the audience (and Death Cab For Cutie fan), it was over.

And that's something I can get behind. These writers or scouts or producers know the power of a good song. They GET that the perfect melody can take their good show and good script and good actors and make them GREAT. I've rewound this episode four times, because I can't fucking let this go.

I'm sitting here, almost in tears, at this Greatness.

truth is a whisper

I have found my new favorite place at AU.

I stumbled on it last night, when I came over to find Adam in Katzen so we could do Tuesday Tradition.  He was working in 203, and as he was getting his bike, I strolled a few paces down the hallway and peeked into the next open door - 202.

I saw this huge, empty space of window, overlooking the stoplight and crosswalk between American University proper and Katzen.  It was perhaps one of the most amazing things I've seen in a long time - with just the glass, I felt like I was suspended from some incredible height, looking down into the world, hidden from everyone else.

I love this feeling.  I love being invisible, I love just watching the world continue to move while I try and stay as still as possible.  I love listening to the sounds of transportation, I love seeing people walking, I love none of them seeing me.  I love being able to see past myself and realize exactly how small I am in the world.  That my problems, when compared to the magnitude of the world - they're nothing.  So these issues with boys, stress over living arrangements, my ridiculous drive to be the most productive and strongest person I know - it doesn't matter.  

I like taking the time to be so quiet that I get past the noise of my own ego.